The Llama Ledger - Bard College at Simon's Rock's Student Newspaper

Issue date: 12/10/08 Section: Opinion

Media Credit: Katie Ansel

Appealing to the movie-going public, Hollywood has decided to turn out another pile of Yuletide sewage.

This particular piece of junk stars the dynamic duo of Vince Vaughn and Reese Witherspoon. Vaughan hasn't been in a decent lead role since 1998's crime thriller Clay Pigeons and Witherspoon—whose roles have always been
the blonde"—hasn't been in anything that stands out, making the duo one would expect from such a pair—namely like a stocking full of coal.

In the actors' defense, they are at the top of their games in each of their own staple characters; the frat-boy joker whose life is a little less than hopeful and the girl who all the boys like but can't get to.

The holiday spirit has brought us these two and supplied us with fodder for even more artificial jubilation. This overzealous seasonal temperament leads to films such as The Santa Clause (I, II, III), Jingle All the Way, and Scrooged. And, like its predecessors, Four Christmases falls faster than Santa Clause through stucco.

Both Vaughn and Witherspoon's parents are divorced, thereby necessitating spending four separate Christmases with all of their parents. Pretty lame.

To add to this, the families have an abundance of very odd characters, supposedly aiding the plot. In fact, it just adds to the obvious intent of the director to keep the audience captivated by a "What are they going to say next?" sort of mentality, which often leads to at least a small amount of laughter.

The blame for this shameful excuse of a movie cannot be penned on just this, though.

Seth Gordon, the director of this film, was given a budget of $80 million based on the merit of his only feature length film, The King of Kong, which chronicled the competitions set up by arcade gamers to break world record scores set on certain games.

The film proceeded to play at 5 theaters before going to G4 for a TV release. Needless to say, $80 million is a lot for someone who directed a straight-to-TV gaming documentary.

To contribute to this stooge-ery, his writers were two entirely experience-less lumps who added only pain to this steaming piece of holiday trash.

Because of the excessive lack of experience found in the production team, I can understand, a little, why the film turned out the way it did.

The ending takes place as any holiday romantic comedy's would: set up for a sequel.

A baby appears, quite suddenly, into the picture and we are left with warm feelings and smiles on our faces; that is, if we are of the thousands who pay to see movies like Wedding Crashers, The 40 Year Old Virgin, and Porky's III without realizing that they are the exact same movie.

Another theory is that the executives at New Line Media simply gave their children $80 million to share amongst themselves as a Christmas present.

Following their parents' paths, the kids decide to make a movie with "that guy from Wedding Crashers" and "the girl from Legally Blonde."

If this theory is true, I hope that 20 years down the road they look back in embarrassment. But this will probably not happen.

Instead, expect Four Christmases 2: Five Christmases.

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Contact the author: pmckeown@llamaledger.com

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