The Llama Ledger - Bard College at Simon's Rock's Student Newspaper

Issue date: 2/4/09 Section: Opinion

Premedicine major Kat Corcoran and creative writing major Dan Copulsky write this column. The Llama Sutra delights in answering your questions about sex and relationships, which can be sent to sutra@llamaledger.com, through this form (no need to provide any personal information), or placed in the box in the snack bar. Questions will be published anonymously.

This weekend, my girlfriend was drunk and wanted to have sex. I said no then, but now I can’t decide whether I should say no if it happens again. We’ve had sex before, and she said she’s just curious about combining the two sensations, but I still just feel a little weird about it.

Consent can get really complicated, particularly because people can hold radically different views on what constitutes consent.

On one hand, people who should clearly be seen as victims of acts that should clearly be seen as nonconsensual have often been blamed, by courts and disciplinary committees, for doing things such as wearing revealing clothing or not protesting loudly enough.

On the other hand, some policies about what is necessary for consent can become complicated and specific enough that they risk seeming impractical, prudish, or problematic. An interesting starting point for thinking about consent is Antioch College’s consent policy, which became famous in the nineties, praised by some for setting positive standards but criticized by others for the reasons mentioned before.

The original Antioch College Sexual Offense Prevention Policy specifies, among other things, that there must be consent for each new level of sexual activity, that this consent must be verbal or, if non-verbal, use a previously verbally agreed upon cue, and that the person not initiating may not have impaired judgment, which may include alcohol, drugs, and mental dysfunction.

Although later revisions deemed it nonconsensual if any partner was intoxicated, this original policy would permit you to have sex with your girlfriend when she’s drunk, but only if she initiates.

Simon’s Rock’s consent policy, on page 29 of the Student Handbook, is less detailed and generally less strict, but echoes some similar ideas. In addition to verbal assent, one can show consent if they “initiate the activity” or “actively and willingly participate.” However, “consent cannot be given if a person is impaired or incapacitated, that is, intoxicated, drugged, under the age of 16, mentally challenged, unconscious, or asleep.”

Having sex with your drunken girlfriend is never allowed under school rules (though, if your girlfriend is drunk, she at least is already ignoring school rules).

Although these policies allow for a wide range of sexual activity (the Antioch policy is particularly careful in choosing words that make it clear that sex acts can take place between more than two people and both policies avoiding language that excludes BDSM), the policies do still limit what sexual acts are permitted, and not just regarding whether someone’s intoxicated.

One particularly problematic part of these policies, which is stated overtly in the Simon’s Rock policy and suggested in the Antioch policy, says that the mentally challenged cannot give consent. While this protects a group from being exploited, it also, by restricting a class of people from ever having sex, becomes oppressive in its own way. These policies have important ideas, but they’re probably not perfect.

Getting drunk and having sex is an age old tradition and an age old problem. Many adults regularly go out to bars and drink with the intent of finding someone to have sex with. Many of these adults also regret their actions or find themselves taken advantage of.

If you have sex with someone who is drunk, particularly if you are less drunk or sober, you risk disciplinary or legal action if your partner decides that they did not consent. You should be aware of this risk, though whether something is against the rules or law does not necessarily define whether it’s morally or ethically correct.

In the end, what’s probably most important is that what consent means is agreed upon by the parties in a sexual relationship. This should be a verbal conversation, and it needs to not be coercive. The conversation can’t happen when you’re drunk, but you may decide that, for you, consent can take place when you are.

My psychiatrist suggests that I try antidepressants, but sexual anhedonia is not one of my depression symptoms, and I am reluctant to risk losing my sex drive. Are there any antidepressants with lower rates of sexual side effects, or, alternatively, supplements or additional medications I can take to mitigate the effects?

Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRIs) are some of the most effective drugs for treating depression, anxiety disorders, OCD and eating disorders. Unfortunately, they have a high incidence of sexual side effects like decreased sex drive and trouble reaching orgasm.

Fewer than half of people taking SSRIs report sexual side effects, so there is certainly no guarantee that you will have a problem. Side effects of antidepressants are often worst during the first few weeks, and sometimes sexual side effects will clear up entirely after this time. If this doesn’t happen, sexual side effects almost always resolve within days of stopping the medication, so if your psychiatrist believes that an SSRI is the best drug to treat your depression, it is probably worth a try.

If you’ve had a problem with sexual side effects on an SSRI, you should talk to your psychiatrist. There are a few antidepressants which are unlikely to cause sexual side effects, the best known of which is probably bupropion (Wellbutrin).

These drugs do not have sexual side effects because they do not inhibit the reuptake of serotonin. This might also make them less effective, depending on what is causing your depression. They also have different counter-indications (Wellbutrin, for example, lowers seizure threshold, so it is not usually prescribed to patients who may be prone to having seizures).

If SSRIs are the only class of antidepressant you can take or the only class that is effective for you, there are a handful of medications which are sometimes used to try to eliminate sexual side effects. They are all available by prescription only, and all have their own risks and side effects, so a doctor needs to help you evaluate if one of these might be an option for you.

One study found that ginkgo biloba, often sold as a tea or herbal supplement for improving memory (a use which has not held up well in studies), effectively treated sexual side effects caused by SSRIs in a number of patients.

Why this should work is not understood, but ginkgo is available without a prescription, and is unlikely to cause undesirable side effects at low doses, so it may be worth trying. If you’re taking any other medications, it would be a good idea to ask a pharmacist if ginkgo could interact with the other drug.

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